gouache on paper*
i get like this from time to time, the lack of sun isn't helping but i felt trapped in my body, once in a while I'm invincible the other while I'm invisible. these kind of days once could have gotten me to a hospital with a pump in my stomach. i won't do it not because i love who i am and what i do but because i love the people who love me more than myself and this body suffers less than the pain of death in other's hearts. i know that too well. i'm also much smarter than before. i know it all passes. even these feelings, even death. i hate to be human. i hate to feel. i hate to be an attention seeking artist. it is but all i have. i don't even bother to put capitals on my i's because i don't feel capital at the moment. i gasp for air yet my happy place is under the covers, where there isn't any.
last night i saw myself trapped in a box.
i love this monster. it suffocates me and i adore it.
that's me rotting away.
its funny how the pretty one's are the deadliest.