the end of march is always problematic for me because 3 years ago i had to drop my studies , job and life from one night to another with one phone call. when my uncle told my dad was in the ICU possibly balancing from life and death; i knew this time was different. flew to Colombia on a Friday and unplugged him a couple of days later; my dad died one week later. it was tough but seeing him suffer quietly was worse. We couldn't; say good bye because he was in a comma, he fought, i know he didn't wanted to leave me, i still wish he would see one of my art shows, my graduation, and the artist I've become.
in a way it brought back a lot of feelings of abandonment i had my my mom as a child. i was in Bogotá virtually alone. my family thought i was a selfish bitch for leaving him between cancer, dialysis and a stroke shortly after we my mom and i moved to the US. but he refused to let me stay, and so did my mom, they knew my path belonged in NY. after having a mental block for weeks it was hard to get back into the grind of things i decided to go back to the medium i know so well. i sketched some of the forms i wanted to incorporate in a two part midterm. referencing solitude, and embrace.
solitude: curled up as a ball, was the position i would cry for hours every Sunday after my dad left. my mom and him were long divorced but i always felt like i was my mom bag of problems. i couldn't talk to her, and she didn't know what to do with me. my dad would pick me up on Friday after school, and i would stay in his studio til Sunday, wishing to never leave. he made me so happy, i felt seen, loved and cared for by him.
embrace: physical touch was something i craved as soon as i moved from Colombia because i was so shy and my dad was gentle and loving, living in a toxic society were little girls are prayed on; my dad was my protector and my strong mountain. in the US with my mom all i wanted was her love, her hugs. embrace is about a parent hugging her child tightly- both almost looking like one.
